Compulsory heterosexuality is a term that was popularized by Adrienne Rich, a poet and writer, in 1980. It refers to the fact that people act in accordance with heterosexual norms because to do otherwise is to face potential ostracism, punishment, and violence.
The term compulsory heterosexuality recognized that across the world, in many places, heterosexuality is institutionally validated and normalized as the default. Thus, people are assumed to be heterosexual unless there are specific markers to indicate they are not. Compulsory heterosexuality is recognizable especially in the fact that queer people must come out, which straight people are not asked to clarify the gender identity of the people they love or have sex with.
One component of compulsory heterosexuality involves making assumptions about others. For example, you may think someone is straight because they have not indicated otherwise. This can sound something like "he 'looks' straight, and he hasn't come out to me as gay, so he must be straight" or "is your boyfriend coming to the office party?" Both of these examples include an assumption of heterosexuality.
Another component of compulsory heterosexuality involves operating from an internal place of assumption. For example, you may fail to consider the possibility of being queer yourself, since you assume yourself to be heterosexual, in line with institutionalized norms. This could sound like "I've always just dated women, I've never really thought about dating people of other genders." This includes an instance in which someone does not feel there is an option available to them other than the one that has come along with norms of heterosexuality.
Compulsory heterosexuality can end up causing harm if it:
Makes someone feel they cannot pursue a relationship with a person they love and/or express their true identity to others
Limits a person's ability to consider all the potential types of romantic relationships they would like to have
Leads someone to make hurtful assumptions or homophobic comments
Compulsory heterosexuality might come up in therapy when:
Someone needs to grieve the years of their life spent conforming to compulsory heterosexuality
Someone is dealing with the difficulties of operating as a queer person in a compulsory heterosexual world
Someone is just beginning to unpack and understand their identity as someone who is not heterosexual
Existing as a queer person in a compulsory heterosexual world can be a daily uphill battle. It takes fortitude, self-compassion, and sometimes, just luck, to find an environment where who you are and the type of relationship you have feel safe to be out in the open.
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